i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
