Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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