it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
