Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
