Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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