Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
