do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
