TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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