Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
