just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
