Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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