What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
