I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize