p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
