he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
