it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
