I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize