I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
