Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
