yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
