I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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