Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
