He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is my gift to your gina
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So here I am, sexting at work.
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