areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
