it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
