Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
