He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sober January is a disaster.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
