She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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