Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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