it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
