Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My vagina just clenched in fear
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
