I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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