worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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