Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
A bitchslap is in order.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
