1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
