Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
