11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
