Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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