he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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