i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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