There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
