im having a threesome with these popsicles
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
