How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
