Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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