i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
