its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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