So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize