Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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