so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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