what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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