it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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