I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
