is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
