i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize