I CAN MOONWALK!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
