Where is the hickey?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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