when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
