I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
