he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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