my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
