I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
