escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Green mimosas i think yes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
