God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
