She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
