Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
