I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
