Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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