I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
